How Big is My Faith?

I'm not going to lie. I'm pretty pumped to be pushed outside almost all of my comfort zones with this move. And also, big surprise, terrified. Especially with this fun fact. #98 here I come!

She said, I think I'm going to Boston

It's official. On May 26, 2014, I will have sold most things I own and have my car packed with the rest ready to take with me on the road to the opposite side of the country. Ladies and gentlemen, I am moving to Boston. Actually, Lynn to be exact.

I've known for a while now and have slowly been leaking the news here and there while trying to avoid the wildfire. It's hard thing to do with social media these days, but I feel I've done a fair job. And now, I want to openly share with all of you and allow myself to journal and blog through this process.

I've thought a lot about how to express my reasons for the move, and what I've come up with is that I have no idea how. It's too deeply rooted yet so simple. And it's that peace I feel that I just can't explain. It's the heart break and sense of adventure that I just can't shake. It just seems a lot like life.

Then, while going through some stuff, I found a journal entry I wrote back in July and thought it would be appropriate to share to give a little understanding:

      "*Listening to Get Out of This Town by Lady Antebellum* A little late, but about a month ago I decided that this will be my last year in Eugene. I've told a few people, mainly my family and a few close friends but will now wait to tell everyone else. Three reasons: 1) It's still a year out 2) I'm not entirely sure where I'm off to and 3) I love my job right now and am unsure when to talk about it. This all stemmed from when Hillary informed me that this time next year they want to turn the apartment back into a full garage. Before this news, there was only two reasons I could see myself leaving the farm - getting married or finally leaving Eugene. I always thought I would leave this town on my own time, and I am, but more than that I know God has opened this door. And I'm so ready to go through it. I'm not 100% sure where I want to end up, but the heart strings are tugging pretty hard for Boston. I know a lot can happen in a year, but I think I'm ready to be near my brother again and to be in the same place as my sister-in-law for the first time. And as they are getting ready to grow their family and I'm going through a quarter life crisis, it only seems right. Sometimes I wish I could just pack up and leave right now, get out of this place because I'm so ready, but on the same hand I know I'll be happy to have one more year here. I'll get to have another year of running, to save money and to work at such a wonderful place. I'll get to watch Maggie and Jax in their first year at Oregon, have another year with Michael, Ryan and Whitley, and just get to be with the people I love for one more year. I'm so ready to open my heart to these new awaiting adventures."

Crazy to look back and think I had a year before the move and now I'm down to three months. This is going to be a crazy adventure and my heart is going to utterly break when I pull out of the driveway, but it will also be soaring. I'm going to hit the road with my momma and embark on an epic road trip across this beautiful country and I couldn't be more excited. And even more, I am so excited to be able to share it with all of you.

The time will come for thank you's and goodbyes, but until then I cannot (and probably will not ever) be able to express in words how this place, these scars and all you people who have been apart of my journey have shaped me. Thank you.

Here's to the unknown and the stories to tell along the way!

Beauty

What does beauty mean to me?

Beauty is a direct reflection of God's creation. From the depths of a friends heart to trees that change with each season, beauty is something that makes you stop dead in your tracks and takes your breath away. It's something to behold on the outside and something to experience on the inside. Beauty calms fear.


Also, like Proverbs 31:30 says, "beauty is passing". Which in itself is a beautiful thing. The fact that we will always be able to find beauty in new ways everyday creates hope! However beauty can also cloud judgement and danger. We see something pretty and automatically we need it, want it and won't stop at any cost until we have it, not matter the sacrifice...


Finding beauty in each day is God's little blessings to me. I don't need coffee for fuel, I need a crisp morning run along a river, the sky to create oranges and pinks as the sun sets, a hand to hold when I need it most, the vast mystery of the ocean, lyrics to the perfect song, a genuine smile, and everything in between.

Beautiful Walk Around Portland

I've always vowed that I would never live in Portland.... but it's starting to win me over. With the day in front of us and no plans, Brian, Kelli and I set a foot to explore the town. All I have seen of the town really is what I have driven past in route to a destination (soccer games, Kelli's place, shopping, cross country races, ect.) but I really have taken an appreciation to this city. I love NW, I looooove the pearl district, and I love the vib. Turns out you can have fun with out spending money! It was a perfect day with the sun coming out and much to explore!

The walk ended in a jaunt back to the apartment when we heard the SDSU v. Temple was going into double overtime! Thank you SDSU for keeping my bracket alive! And sorry to Kelli who rolled her ankle 10 feet from her apartment.... (she's good and it was totally worth it!)

Pictures were taken in the Pearl District!

Who Says

Call me cheesy, but I'm kind of obsessed with her, this song and video right now....

Alter-G

I got an incredible opportunity to use a machine called an Alter-G. Basically it's an anti-gravity machine for the treadmill. Your bottom half is secluded in a camber where you can decide how much gravity is being used and then run on a treadmill. I got to run at 65% gravity. And getting out of the machine was a trip because my legs literally felt as though they weighed 50 pounds heavier than before I got it! It's an amazing resource and I'm so thankful for the people who made it possible for me to use and who opened their homes to me. Just one step closer into recovery and becoming stronger each day.

In this experience, I had the opportunity to meet the at one point American Record holder for the 5k, Dathan Ritzenhein who is currently injured as well. It was just so encouraging to see that it happens to everyone but as a running community we have an incredible understanding of what it takes mentally and physically to go after your goals. It was such a reminder that I need to take things slow and remember the goals that I have. Patience is key. I get so anxious and excited to be able to run that I want to push more than I should, which eventually does and has ended up in more injury. But with talking with Dathan, someone who has had a taste of greatness and now being held back from that, was exactly what I needed and so influencing. I have goals just like he has goals, and it's all about how we approach it. Thank you for opening up your home to me and giving me that much needed boost of energy!

I Want This.

My Side of the Story

Soon, my best friend's wedding will no longer just be a movie with Julia Roberts. Soon, it will be a reality starring my best friend, Kelli Maks. On February 19th, 2011, Brian Ross proposed to Kelli Maks... and she said yes :) This is my side of the adventure:

Super Bowl Sunday, Kelli and Brian made their way down from Portland to visit us Eugene folk. When ever they grace us with their presence, I get the pleasure of hosting Kelli at my place and this usually entails gossip and girl talk. This trip happened to center around the subject of when Kelli thought Brian would propose. She mentioned a trip they were taking to Bend in a couple of weeks and she thought it might happen then. It then became our mission for myself to talk to Brian and see if he would fess up. Kelli and I came up with this brilliant plan that Brian would tell me when he was proposing and convince him that myself and our friend Tony should be there after to celebrate with them. Well, that Sunday I gave it a go to ask Brian when he was going to propose and I get, in a yelling/angry sort of fashion, "I don't know, it's expensive!" followed by a "like I would tell you".... Mission: Fail.

Fast Forward a couple of days. I'm at work and I get an incoming call from Brian Ross. Of course I answer (I'm a very good employee) and this time I get a "I hate you....I'm going to want your help" He gave me the date to save and said he would follow up when he knew more, but explained that he was going to include myself and his friend Steve in the workings of his proposal to be there to celebrate with them. Long story short, Brian decided that on their way to Bend they were going to stop and go snow shoeing and that's when he would pop the question. After they were done, they had a plan to eat dinner at the Deschutes Brewery (where they had their first date) and there Steve and I would be waiting with a table to surprise Kelli. Perfect plan.

Fast forward to the day before the proposal. I must say, I'm very proud of myself for how well I lied to Kelli. I talked to her on the phone very briefly on Friday evening. I asked her if she thought it was going to happen that weekend and why she thought that and I told her that if I found out anything via facebook I would not be happy. Rest assured, I was 2nd on the call list :)

Saturday. I get a text from Brian saying they were 10 minutes from heading out to Bend. I go pick of Steve Melton and we make our trek. The passes were very snowy and so thank you to my mother and her 4-wheel drive that she let us borrow. A car in front of us definitely swerved across the highway into the snow bank - crazy conditions. Anyway, we make it to Bend safe, and head to the brewery with no idea how long it would take for Brian and Kelli to get there. We showed up around 2, put in our name and headed to the bar for some appetizers. They call our table and we sit down and order another appetizer, at this point we are just stalling time so we can keep the table. We decided to tell the waitress what was going on so they wouldn't get mad at us for holding up a table for who knows how long. She loved the story and got chills listening to it and every five minutes would come over and ask if we had heard anything yet. Time passes and finally around 3:30 we get a text from Brian saying they were engaged and on their way, predicting an hour before they get to the restaurant.... After that text, our conversation went down hill rapidly as both of us were to focused on watching the door for them. About 45 minutes later we get another text from Brian saying they were checking into the hotel and would be there in 10 minutes, anxiety was through the window at this point. Steve texted Brian back and said when they got to the restaurant go to the left and we'll be the ones hiding behind the menus. We finally see them walk past the window and I want to get up and run to them but Steve assures me we need to stick the original plan. Brian walks in the restaurant like he owns the place, Kelli looks confused as to why he wasn't putting their name in and they make it to our table. I jumped up and after Kelli finally realized what was going on, she screams "NO FREAKING WAY!!" followed shortly behind my screams of happiness. We embrace and the man at the other table goes, "what? has it been 5 years??" And then I exclaim that they were engaged! Some people clapped and others merely smiled, but it was a joyful room from all :)

The night continues. One thing I have failed to mention is that a few days before this, I was told by my doctor that I needed to start eating meat (for running and iron purposes) and so I decided to save my first encounter for Kelli. I got the elk burger which in fact was quite delicious. I only ate half in fear that if I ate the whole thing I would get sick being that it had been about 4 years since I had ate red meat. We finish up dinner (Steve and I were successfully there for 4 hours) and head down to the Winterfest happening a few blocks away. We met up with one of our other friends, Matt Jones who lives there and decided to watch the snowboard competition in the beer garden. Part way through, my stomach starts to hurt.... here comes the dreaded meat aches. About 1 minute after feeling the pain I decided this was going to come up, and it was going to happen quick. I made my way to the bathroom realizing that I wasn't even going to have time to wait in the one person line so I b-lined my way to a semi-secluded corner where my stomach said goodbye to the meat it had just welcomed. I made my way to port-a-potty strictly to regroup and to make sure I was good to go. From start to finish, it was only 5 minutes of pain and I was extremely grateful that it was so quick! After all that we watched some more snowboarding, got free hot chocolate, danced to some Katy Perry, checked out the ice sculptures, went to a bar (mainly for warmth) and then headed back to the car where they re-proposed with ring pops and we finally said our goodbyes.

Matt Jones let me and Steve stayed the night at his place and I fell asleep next to a fire looking out a snow filled back yard. A beautiful cap to a beautiful day.

Oh, and Kelli asked me to be her Maid of Honor :)

Brian, Kelli, Me, Steve

Practicing already for my maid of honor duties (I was trying to fix Brian's collar)

The bling.

My first bite into meat... I was a little frightened

What I feel asleep and woke up to.

Doorstep Love

The other morning I got up and proceeded with my regular routine for getting ready for the day and ready for work. I went to leave my house and when I opened the door, there was a wonderful surprise waiting for me - a book called "We Appreciate You Every Day" full of inspirational quotes and a personal letter in the front. It was a difficult week, but the kids I coach know how to lift me up. I have no idea who it was from, but I know it was from some or all of those athletes. I'm so thankful and incredibly blessed by their love.

the note inside the book.

Walk the Talk

This is an email I just recently wrote to a friend:

"Know that I'm thinking about you a lot and am always here for you. I wanted to send you this song. It's called "One Day You Will" by Lady Antebellum. This song has gotten me through a lot, a lot of hard times. It inspires me to move one foot in front of the other and fight for another day, because it is worth it. There is a silver lining, it will make us stronger and we just have to whole heartedly believe in that. I'm pretty sure I ran to this song for 2 weeks straight. It hits me in running AND life, which really are two very different things, to me. Running is it's own separate entity. Anyway, I hope it can help you like it has and continues to help me. I find a lot of comfort in music and lyrics, because sometimes that's the only place we can fall, the only place to get the perfect advice with out having to speak one word, and the only place we don't get judged."

These are song lyrics that I have fallen to the past 48 hours:

"But down the road the sun is shining, In every cloud there's a silver lining, Just keep holding on (just keep holding on), And every heartache makes you stronger, But it won't be much longer, You'll find love, you'll find peace, And the you you're meant to be, I know right now that's not the way you feel, But one day you will"

"Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, boys, So cradle your head in your hands, And breathe... just breathe, Oh breathe, just breathe
There's a light at each end of this tunnel, You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again If you only try turning around."

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, But that's all right, because I like the way it hurts. Just gonna stand there and hear me cry, But that's all right, because I love the way you lie, I love the way you lie."

"You and I walk a fragile line, I have known it all this time, Never ever thought I'd see it break, Never thought I'd see it"

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever, He is my strength and He's my song, His love endures forever, i will proclaim what He has done, His love endures forever, i will enter and give thanks to Him, this holy gate the righteous may enter, i will give You thanks, You answered me, You are my salvation, this is the day the Lord has made, i will rejoice and be glad in it, this is the day the Lord has made"

It's a random collection, I know. But that's what is so great about music and lyrics, that's what is so therapeutic, it's always there for you any way you need it. Whether praise, anger, hopeful... it's there for just you and just the right time.

Now I get the opportunity to live out what I say to others. I can't be someone who gives advice but will never follow it herself. "It starts with the man in the mirror" :)

Beautiful Day

"The will of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you."

On my walk this afternoon. Beautiful day. I'm starting to feel like myself again :)

Courage

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

Rest in Peace, Porter

We lost a part of the family on Friday, January 21, 2011 - Porter.

Porter had more personality and charisma than any dog, animal, creature I've ever come in contact with. He was the dog you absolutely loved to hate to love. With his tail hitting every breakable object around, his wet nose sniffing everywhere you want dry, his sad face when he knew had done something wrong and the love that he always presented wether you wanted it or not. He was one incredible dog.

His life was cut short due to that lovable energy he always had. The energy you knew would really get him in trouble someday. The energy that led him the busy streets of Salem where he was hit.

Porter was never alone. He has a sister, Ruby. They did everything together, including running back the frisbee or stick. Inseparable. My heart goes out to her. And I'm so thankful we still have her around.

Love to my dad and Sue. It's their one anniversary today from when they got married. Sue had got Ruby and Porter as pups just before my dad and her met, and so we got the incredible opportunity to join their family when they got married. So a piece of the family is gone, but will live in our hearts for ever :) Love you Porter!

Porter - September 27, 2007 to January 21, 2011

2008 Olympic Trials 800m

If this is not inspirational, I don't know what is. This is why I love running, love Eugene and love the fight.

It's these moments I dream of.

They lived it.

What Keeps Me Going

So much has happened in the past 6 months, but the past couple months have been especially heavy on me. I was hurt by a number of people, some more than others, but along with that I was lifted by a number of people, some more than others. So instead of writing paragraph upon paragraph trying to update you on the last several months, and instead of delving into the those dark times, I'm going to follow my blog title and give the reasons why I "rejoice always" no matter the obstacle:

Districts, one of my many girls, Allie.

Nike Team Nations. The kids I coach. Absolute mud bath, absolute joy.

More of my XC family. This boy, Matt Melancon, won state for the first time ever in Sheldon history. I cried, multiple times. Watch out for his name.

Annual Thanksgiving Turkey Stuffer/Spinney v Spinney Battle. I may have lost by 5 seconds to my father, but I ran 17:46 which is a LIFETIME PR and got 1st place for women. That day yet again proved to me it's worth the fight.

My trip to California. Six Flags with the Six Best Friends... (my brother is missing, their was 6 of us)

There he is! My brother.

Grabbing hot chocolate and catching the meteor shower at the beach in Carlsbad! Beautiful.

My beautiful family (and that includes Casey)

Casey Masterson. I have not laughed, cried or danced more with anyone else in a 2 week period. It was everything I needed. "Oh nah nah"...

The boys I babysit. I was told by the one on the right that Ireland is not a part of Great Britain. I am not smarter than a 5 year old.

New Years Day. If only I could explain our relationship to other people... We match in so much more than just our outfits. And it's perfect.

Before the most anticipated game EVER, the BCS championship game. Oregon v Auburn. We lost by 3 points, but I have never enjoyed watching a game more. Very inspirational game. These are our Darron Thomas jersey's who is #1, but also, Kelli and I are each others #1 :)

It's time.

I'm coming back.

Boston, Baby!

Day 5 - Fenway Park

This is the ultimate day that we've been waiting for, going to Fenway Park and watch the Redsox game. This was also the reason for Kelli actually coming to Boston with us.... so there is a lot of pressure riding on this day.

It started with meeting at Fenway early afternoon to sign up for the ball park tour. We got there a couple minutes late, so we had to sign up for the tour an hour later at 3 pm. So what to do while we wait? Go to the Redsox team store? Okay! We spent a good amount of time before the tour there and I would say I spent most of my Boston money there. And anything Redsox is totally worth it!

After the store it was time for the tour, time to enter Fenway Park! It was an incredible moment! The tour was great and we were in Fenway. Such a beautiful stadium with so much history!

Right after the tour we headed across the street to "Boston Beer Works" and had such a great meal!! I got the garden burger and sweet potato fries. Best garden burger I have ever had, no doubt about it and the sweet potatoes, again, probably the best I've ever had. I also order a blueberry ale and also, delicious! We tried to hang out in the restaurant as long as possible, but the line and crowd began to grow, so we felt bad keeping a table.

Then, it was game time! We went into the park about an hour before game time and basically watched batting practices. Kelli and I made our way down to the field so all we had to do if we really wanted was to reach down over the fence and touch Fenway dirt right next to the Redsox bullpen. Those weren't our seats, but we got to experience for a few minutes what it might be like to have those seats.... some day we will.

This is what happened at the game: We got a grand slam, a couple home runs, Papelbon pitched (my favorite player), went into extra innings - the 12th, and we won! Everything about that game was perfect! AND our seats were sooooo awesome. I'm going to have to be rich and famous to ever get seats better than that. We also got the needed experience of having obnoxious people in front of us that we got in a tiff with.

All in all. Fenway Park is perfect. And I will always love the redsox.

Day 4

Today was a long but great day! It started out with a 8 mile run along a beautiful bike path and then followed with a day in Boston!

Kelli and I got to live the Bostonian life by traveling via bus and subway. This was actually my first time on a city bus! Very big moment for me. So we get into town and got some food and then headed to the New England aquarium. The aquarium was packed and cost way more than we would like - kelli, 2nd failed trip to an aquarium... So then we decided to take a trolley tour through the freedom trail, again too expensive. So we used what God gave us and walked the trail. We ended up walking over 6 miles for sure. Our feet were tired and poor Kelli wore flip flops and got some bad blisters. But the freedom trail had a lot me cool parts to it, and also some boring parts... But my favorites were the Old North Church and the Bunker Hill Memorial. However you had to walk up the memorial 297 steps to get to the top. Our legs were shaking!! So painfully funny.

After we finished our 6 hour adventure in Boston we headed home, had so grilled dinner and watched the RedSox finally who a game!! Tomorrow is our day at fenway, so it was a good pump up for tomorrow! McDonald, thank you for hopefully light a fire in the team.

Tomorrow should be another great day in downtown Boston and to THE fenway park!!!

Day 3

Marathon Day!

I finally got a good nights rest! Hurray! Probably about 7 hours, go me! After we woke up, Kelli and I followed my Uncle John in a caravan to the spot where we would be watching the marathon. I don't remember exactly the places we were driving through, but probably one of the prettiest drives I have ever taken. We decided it's not as green as Oregon, but it has a lot more earth tones to it that make up a beautiful palette of colors. It has you greens, oranges, browns, yellows, whites, blues. So natural. Everyday day I spend here is just one more day of motivation to come out here and live some day.

So, after the beautiful drive, we made it to our spot on the marathon course. It was right after they hit the half marathon, right before mile 14. So, at that point most people were feeling pretty good. We got to see the elite men and women go by surrounded by police and then the whole swarm of over 27000 people followed behind them! I was getting updates on the runners times every 5000 meters, so I would know when they hit the half marathon. And once they hit the half marathon it became a where's waldo in a marathon. There are just so many people out there that you're eyes become tired trying to look for people you know. But it's so worth it!! We didn't miss anyone. We got to see my uncle Chris come by first, then my friend Jeff Masterson, a couple of my dads running buddies, my dad and then sue! Kelli got to run a few steps with my dad as she gave him a water bottle, so basically, Kelli ran the Boston Marathon. In between seeing people we knew and after everyone passes, we still stayed on the course and cheered on everyone else. When someone ran by with an oregon shirt, Kelli and I would erupt with loudness! And there were a lot of people who put their name on their shirt, so we could cheer them on by name. It was so fun to be apart of that! Next marathon we go to, we're having a contest to see how many acknowledgments we can get from the runners - whether a wave, a point, or a thank you. People running are so nice and thankful that you're out there cheering that it makes it so fun for us! Anyway, everyone finished. My dad was hurting a little, but he surpassed his expectation of finishing the race! I'm so proud of him!

The marathon took up a good amount of the day, so after we headed to my uncles house and my uncle who didn't run the marathon went for a run with me while Kelli rode the bike. Word to the wise - Boston, not a bike friendly town... Then we had some pizza for dinner, returned the rental car and lounged around so the marathoners didn't have to move. And we ate ice cream.

Another great day with great experiences!

Oh, and today I decided I want to be a marathoner.... Who ever thought I would say those words. But it looks sooo fun. Have you tiring, exhausting, and dumb.... but fun.